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Alright, so Outback Steakhouse is closing more locations. Again. And they expect us to believe it's part of some grand "turnaround strategy"? Give me a break.
The Outback's "Turnaround": A Recipe for Disaster?
Bloomin' Brands, the parent company, is singing the same old tune: "periodic review," "business decisions," blah, blah, blah. They even trotted out a spokesperson, Elizabeth Daly, to tell USA Today that these closures are just part of their "ongoing turnaround plan." Right. Because shutting down restaurants is totally how you turn things around. Seems more like circling the drain, if you ask me.
They claim they considered "sales and traffic, trade areas, and potential investments." Okay, so they're admitting the locations weren't making money. Shocker. But what really went wrong? Did they forget to season the steaks? Did the servers start moonlighting as stand-up comedians with terrible material? I need details, dammit!
And speaking of details, Bloomin' Brands conveniently "would not provide a list of restaurant closings." How transparent of them. Instead, we have to rely on local media reports to piece together the carnage. Birmingham, Alabama? Jacksonville Beach, Florida? Baton Rouge, Louisiana? The list goes on. It's like a culinary Grim Reaper is making his rounds. 2 Birmingham Outback locations close abruptly as part of company’s national turnaround plan
Then there's the promise of "new menus featuring better-quality steaks along with more attentive service." Oh, please. Every chain restaurant says that when they're flailing. It's the restaurant equivalent of "thoughts and prayers." What, are they gonna start serving Wagyu beef and hiring Michelin-starred waiters? I doubt it.
Remodeling the Titanic?
And get this: they're planning to remodel the surviving restaurants by the end of 2028. "Brighter-looking interiors, smaller kitchens, and bigger order pickup stations." So, less focus on the dining experience and more on takeout? Says a lot, doesn't it? I still don't get the appeal of takeout steak, but that could just be me.
Meanwhile, LongHorn and Texas Roadhouse are "thriving." No surprise there. Texas Roadhouse is practically printing money with its affordable steaks and peanut shells on the floor. They know their audience. Outback, on the other hand, seems to be lost in the Outback...of their own delusions.
Bloomin' Brands CEO Mike Spanos says Outback has "incredible brand equity" and is the "pioneer of the casual steakhouse industry." Okay, boomer. Maybe it was a pioneer back in 1988, but that was, like, five centuries ago in restaurant years. Times change, tastes change, and Outback apparently hasn't.
Oh, and shareholder dividends are paused "to preserve cash for future restaurant investments and debt repayments." Translation: they're broke. Well, maybe not broke broke, but definitely feeling the pinch.
Let's not forget Denny’s, Ruby Tuesday, Red Lobster, TGI Friday’s, Applebee’s, and Noodles & Company are also closing locations. It's an all-out casual dining apocalypse. Are people just sick of chain restaurants? Are they finally realizing that a $15 burger isn't worth it? Are we all doomed to eat exclusively at home now?
It's a damn bloodbath out there.
So, What's the Real Problem?
Outback's problems ain't just about "sales and traffic." It's about a lack of innovation, a failure to adapt, and a stubborn refusal to admit that maybe, just maybe, the glory days are over. They're throwing money at remodels and menu tweaks, but what they really need is a time machine. Or maybe just a new business model, offcourse.